perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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