A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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