why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
