do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
