Already got asked if we're dating
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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