if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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