Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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