Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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