I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
