I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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