i already hear my dad disowning me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
