Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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