remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize