You're completely useless in the revolution.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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