I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
