Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
