I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i permit you to call me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
