my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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