man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
