can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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