My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
