so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
