yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
