I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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