On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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