Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
