Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
