I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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