I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
