Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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