Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
