I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
