we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
