Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
