forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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