Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
