So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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