It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
