You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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