Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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