Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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