My room smells like vodka and shame
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
