I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
