THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
