im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
