I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
