Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I supernannyed him into submission
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize