Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dear god my vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
