There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
