Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
