saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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