i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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