I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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