Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize