the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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