my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
