i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
