DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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