guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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