Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
