I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
a search helicopter?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
